


battle fate for you

by sapphicsrlit



Category: Suits (US TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-04
Updated: 2020-06-04
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:42:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24536395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sapphicsrlit/pseuds/sapphicsrlit
Summary: There is a split second where Donna's face shifts into that 'deer in headlights' look that Harvey's not sure he's ever really seen on her before, but then it's gone, just as quickly as it had come, and he can see the exact moment her eyes turn from conflicted to longing. Set in 6x10.
Relationships: Donna Paulsen/Harvey Specter
Kudos: 3





	battle fate for you

**Author's Note:**

> I'm new to ao3 so bear with me please. I hope you like this one shot. xx

_ battle fate for you _

_. _

_. _

_. _

Harvey can feel and see her presence in the reflection of the window in his office before she even makes herself visible.

"You gonna be okay?" Donna's voice sounds soft and concerned, silently asking him to trust her enough to open up about his feelings if he isn't.

The slight buzz of  _ Macallan 18 _ is tingling in his fingertips and down his spine and it's a welcome feeling. It takes the sharp edge he feels since losing Jessica off. He doesn't want to deal with the reality of it, at least not yet. The last few months have been rough, rougher than ever, and he is struggling enough as it is.

"She was my mentor, but yeah, I'm gonna be okay," Harvey finds himself saying. It's what he is trying to convince himself of, anyway. But Jessica had always been there and the truth is, he doesn't know what the future is going to look like without the second most important woman in his life.

"You wanna be alone?"

Donna knows him well enough to give him an out, to give him space to process; but she's always there, ready to talk, listen and care for him if he lets her.

It makes him smile, knowing he hasn't lost her.

"No." He shakes his head but keeps on staring out into the night sky.

She steps closer until she is standing next to him, close enough that the heat of her body engulfs him like a veil. A moment later, he feels her fingertips brush against the back of his hand.

She is offering herself up to be there for him again, letting him know that she is right here and not going anywhere.

His hand wraps around her smaller one instinctively. He squeezes her hand tightly, holding onto her like a lifeline; she squeezes back and doesn't let go.

.

.

.

There are so many emotions that Harvey doesn't allow himself to feel. He keeps them locked in a drawer in the back of his mind, barely ever acknowledging them, certainly never analysing them.

He can play any role; whether it be  _ best closer in New York City, asshole _ or  _ womaniser _ , and he almost always believes himself when he plays the part. But on nights like tonight, when people  _ leave him, _ he longs to jump into action and soothe his bruised heart in some desperate way. He isn't close with many people. He could probably count them on one hand if he tried.

There used to be his dad, but ever since he died, it's left a hole in his life that he hasn't been able to fill. There is Mike, of course, and his brother with whom he could have a much better relationship if he made an effort.

And Jessica who is now stepping down and leaving the firm. The thought of losing another person he looks up to makes his stomach turn but he braces himself for the inevitable. Jessica will only be one call away.

Then, there's Donna. His girl Friday. His number one in all aspects of life. He trusts her judgement of character and her sense of justice more than anyone else's. She's the one person he cannot lose because without her - without her laughing eyes, her charming mouth and the way she's the only person who truly gets him - he feels like he could fall off the face of the earth.

Harvey tightens his grip around Donna's hand and she looks at him questioningly. Her thumb starts rubbing soothing circles over his skin, and they are closer than what they usually deem safe which sends a rush of adrenaline through his body. It feels good to take his mind off of work for a while, to think about how soft her thumb is and how he wishes they would touch more often.

Donna senses that he feels far more troubled than he had originally let on and her thumb keeps rubbing away. Harvey still doesn't look at her, but he clenches his jaw and tries to hide the way he lets out a shuddery breath.

She hears it anyway. She always does.

Harvey finds that he doesn't mind that she does.

He finally lets go of her hand and instantly misses Donna's warmth and mourns the loss of their connection. He walks over to the decanter in the corner of his office and pours himself a generous glass of the dark amber liquid that is already coursing through his veins.

Donna walks over to the couch and sits down with a sigh.

"Do you want a drink?"

He doesn't wait for her reply. Instead, he makes his way towards the couch and takes a rather large sip from the glass before handing it to her. He sits down next to her a moment later. There's enough space on the couch for them to sit apart easily, like they usually do, but tonight he gravitates toward her.

She isn't phased at all by any of it. Instead, she accepts the glass and allows the liquid to burn its way down her throat. She winces at the bitter after-taste and her pink tongue sneaks out to wet her lips, her movements so familiar that Harvey shifts and relaxes back into the comfortable cushion of the couch.

Their thighs are touching now due to the change in angle and he's sitting a couple of inches closer to her as he watches with cloudy eyes.

She puts the glass on the coffee table and tilts her head in her Donna-like manner, making Harvey feel safe and understood.

_ Harvey, sometimes we need a little help. Let me help you. _

"It's going to be okay, Harvey. I'm going to be here with you every step of the way."

The look on Donna's face when their eyes meet almost stops Harvey's heart. He doesn't know what to compare it to, but if he were to guess, he would say that it's a look of pure, concentrated affection. It makes him want to drown in her hazel eyes and her infinite goodness.

He doesn't deserve it,  _ her _ , but god, does he wish that he did because the deep warmth that starts spreading through his chest is absolutely terrifying.

The tension is growing between them rapidly. They are the only souls left at PSL, or what's left of it now anyway, and Harvey can't seem to drag his gaze away from her mouth.

He shifts forward suddenly, like he can't think of a single good reason not to be closer to Donna anymore when she is here and present and making everything seem alright. He can hear the soft hitch in Donna's throat as soon as he does. It makes the hairs on Harvey's arm stand up.

"Are you saying that you will always be there?"

She looks away as if to contemplate his words, debating how honest she should be with him. They both know that it had almost torn them apart when she had left his desk to work for Louis, but that won't ever happen again.

Tonight, he just seems to need her by his side and she can't bring herself to put some much needed distance between them.

"Donna." He places his left hand on her exposed thigh and waits until her hazel orbs meet his once again.

Goosebumps rise on her skin at the contact and it seems to give Harvey all the courage he needs. His thumb starts a slow caress on her thigh, similar to what she did with his hand earlier except that this isn't an innocent gesture. He is testing the waters, trying to see how far he can take it tonight.

There is a split second where Donna's face shifts into that 'deer in headlights' look that Harvey's not sure he's ever really seen on her before, but then it's gone, just as quickly as it had come, and he can see the exact moment her eyes turn from conflicted to longing.

Donna could never deny him and she breathes, "Yes. You know I will never leave you again." Her voice is sweet and unusually throaty, a telltale sign that he's not the only one affected by their proximity.

Without thinking twice about it, he inches even closer. Donna's breathing quickens and his senses go into overdrive as he smells the whiskey coming in short, warm breaths from her mouth.

"Harvey," Donna's hand covers his. She looks at him pointedly, like  _ you know we can't  _ and  _ this is a bad idea _ .

"Tell me to stop," he challenges lightly as his fingertips slowly scratch over the sensitive skin of her upper thigh.

When she fails to reply, Harvey leans forward and closes the gap between them.

It's a bruising kiss, driven by the desire that is swallowing him whole. Her lips are warm, soft and responsive. He throws all caution out of the window and kisses her without restraint. His thoughts zero in on her and he can't think about anything other than wanting to devour her right here, right now.

Donna moans at the first contact, and he feels the electric zing of it from his lips to his belly and back up. She hungrily pushes back, her mouth open, tongue moving past his lips until their tongues slide against one another deliciously. She tastes like whiskey and reckless abandon. Her mouth works against his as her arms come up to rest on his shoulders, pulling his head closer.

Harvey should be afraid of what this is going to do to them, about tomorrow and all the other days too, but having her feels far too good. He wants to stomp the ground near the ledge, wants to see the look on Donna's face when he comes undone and he wants to be holding her hand when all of his walls come crashing down.

Her hands drop down from his shoulders and she maps out this chest before loosening his tie and unbuttoning the first few buttons of his dress shirt in a hurry. Meanwhile, Harvey removes his jacket without pulling back. His mouth moves on to the smooth expanse of her throat and neck. His kisses are more purposeful now and when he begins to suck on her pulse point Donna wriggles away.

"Don't leave any marks," she instructs. Her eyes are glossy when she looks at him and her lips look thoroughly kissed.

"I won't," he assures her and brushes his thumb over the corner of her mouth. Her lips part at the slight touch and Donna's breathing quickens.

"Good." He can see the hint of a smile on her lips before she leans closer again.

She looks happy, he realises, like she has been wanting to do this for a while but thought he wasn't game.

It deepens his desire for her and he unzips the back of her dress.

Moments later, Donna straddles him and his hardness protrudes her centre through his slacks. Her dress is pulled down and bunched at her waist as she grinds over him again and again. It drives him wild and he wants to tell her to just take him however she pleases, but then she slides back a little and softly rakes her nails over his bulge and his hips jerk up in search for more.

Donna stops her ministrations and gets to work. She opens the button of his slacks and inches the zipper down until she finds him hot and bothered in his boxers.

He groans her name upon first contact of her hand on his sensitive skin. His head drops forward and he kisses the flushed skin between Donna's breasts while she strokes him. She takes him in hand, Harvey pushes her underwear to the side and he guides her over him.

They both let out groans when he is fully sheathed inside of her and the severity of the situation settles over them. He feels Donna's erratic heartbeat under his lips and before he can tell her that it's okay, that she needn't worry, –

"We shouldn't."

It's a last, fruitless attempt to grasp onto sanity and they stare at each other momentarily. He can't remember how they ended up in this situation, but they're here now. Donna feels so goddamn good around him, it makes him lose all ability to think clearly.

"I know," Harvey moans into the skin where her shoulder meets her neck. His hands are firmly grasping at her waist while she adjusts to his length and he doesn't let go.

There's no stopping them now. All of the reasons why they shouldn't fuck on the couch in his office are long forgotten when he feels Donna's walls contract around him.

"Okay?" Harvey knows he can't keep still for much longer but he can't start moving before he knows she has given him the green light.

"Yes," Donna moans and all that pent up tension comes to a peak when she finally starts a slow ride over him.

Afterwards, they stay close for a long moment. Donna's heart is hammering in her chest and Harvey strokes her exposed back absently while they both come down from their high. Their noses are touching, their breaths mingling and they are unwilling to let go.

But the after-glow of their orgasms fades away with each breath they take and soon enough Harvey pulls back.

"Go home with me," he pleads. He doesn't care if he sounds desperate.

"Why?" She looks at him in surprise, like she never expected him to say that.

"I don't want to mess this up, Donna," he confesses. "Please, just let me take you to my place tonight and we can talk in the morning."

Her eyes are glistening with raw emotion when she nods and hope blooms in Harvey's chest. Maybe his reckless decision would turn out to be alright.

.

He holds her hand the entire elevator ride down. Even though they don't talk on the way to his place, the tension is thick and palpable again when they arrive at his apartment.

As soon as the door closes, Donna presses Harvey up against the wall, she is surprisingly strong and determined to take him again. But Harvey has other plans. He hoists her up and carries her into his bedroom where they get rid of their clothes.

Harvey almost falls over trying to take off his slacks quickly and Donna still laughs about it when he presses her down into the mattress.

He leaves featherlight kisses on her freckled chest and his tongue darts out to take a perky nipple into his mouth until her laughter turns into a low moan.

"I never thought that it would happen like this again," Donna confesses afterwards. She is lying next to Harvey who is still trying to catch his breath.

He turns and studies her for a moment – the strawberry blonde baby hairs on her forehead are beginning to curl, her cheeks are rosy and he doesn't understand why they hadn't done this again sooner.

"You thought about this happening again?"

"I did."

.

Harvey awakes in the middle of the night. The blanket is only wrapped around half of his body and he pulls it up carefully, making sure that Donna is covered too. It's still dark outside and he is achingly hard. Donna is lying next to him, sound asleep, her body curled in his direction. He can make out the shape of her face and the need to simply hold her overwhelms him out of nowhere.

He pulls her in close,  _ closer, _ and she melts into his touch. Her head nestles into the crook of his neck and her breathing comes out hotly and evenly against his neck as she snuggles up to him. He feels her hair tickle his nose, her scent surrounds him and he falls back asleep within seconds.

.

The morning sun bathes his bedroom in a warm shine. "Hey, if it's gonna be much longer, I could just get some on the way."

The first thing Harvey sees as Donna walks in are legs. Miles and miles of legs which disappear under his white dress shirt. As she takes the single step leading up into his bedroom, the fabric moves and he swallows drily. She is  _ only _ wearing his dress shirt and it is doing  _ things _ to him. Their eyes lock and he can't help but think about undressing her and having her right here, right now, again. Last night had done nothing to reduce his desire for her. If anything, it is now coursing through his veins more unleashed than ever.

"Hold your horses, mister," Donna teases, undoubtedly catching his train of thought. They share an affectionate smile and Harvey only notices the two cups of coffee in her hands as she comes closer and smells the aroma mixed with vanilla in it.

She looks radiant. Her hair is unruly and not done for the day yet, but her face is glowing, and it isn't just due to the make-up she's wearing.

Sitting down, she hands him a cup of coffee. He takes a sip as she looks at him expectantly.

"That was the best cup of coffee I've ever had," he marvels.

"I told you it was worth the wait." The way she says it makes him realise that she doesn't just mean the coffee, even if she is teasing him. There is a flash of uncertainty in her eyes, one she doesn't bother to hide. She may be Donna and know it all, but sometimes even she wonders if what she's doing is the right thing and if she reads people correctly.

She stares at him with big eyes and he abandons his cup of coffee.

Harvey puts his left hand on her cheek and brushes her hair away. His hand tangles into her red tresses, letting his fingers appreciate the silky feel of it against his skin.

He closes the gap and kisses her softly and without haste. Donna's response is timid but immediate. His lips move against hers delicately before catching her bottom lip and sucking on it gently. It's an innocent kiss, way more intimate than any of the kisses they shared last night, and he tries to convey all the emotions they have yet to talk about in it. It only lasts for a couple of seconds but he can't remember having kissed like this, ever.

When he pulls back, her eyes are still closed.

"That was nice." Her smile is small and fond and he can't believe that she is sitting on his bed letting him kiss her like it's something that they do every day. His heart swells as she looks at him, obviously still lost in the moment.

They stare at each other's lips for a moment and he wishes that he could stay in this bubble all day.

"It was. And as much as I'd like to spend all day doing it, we should get going. Just do me a favour –"

She interrupts him. "Harvey. I don't think you understand. I told you once this happened again, I don't work for you anymore."

Harvey furrows his brows, not understanding. "Donna, you can't leave me."

"I'm not leaving you, Harvey. I just don't work for you." The smile on her face fades and the gravity of this situation slowly sinks in.

"That's leaving me," he responds without thinking.

"No, Harvey. That's not leaving you. Jessica left you. And you need to get it through your head, she's never coming back," Donna says determinedly. The room darkens and he can't shake the feeling that something is terribly wrong.

.

.

.

Harvey wakes up with a start. His heart is pounding wildly in his chest. He can feel every beat and vibration of it against his ribcage and he doesn't register the gasp that escapes his lips. Sitting up quickly, he leans his upper body against the headrest. With furrowed brows and clammy hands he tries to focus on the sudden change of scenery, his breathing coming out in short pants.

His arm darts out to his right side to see if Donna is still sleeping beside him, his mind too foggy to register what's real and what's not, but the bed is empty. When he looks at it, there's no sign that Donna had ever been there.

His heart drops, the dream still present on his mind, and it takes him a few more moments to understand what had happened.

When he does, an unexpected wave of grief and loss hits him like a bucket full of ice. His heart starts racing within a matter of seconds again and he can't quite believe it. His hand rubs over his sweaty forehead and he has to fight back the tears that shoot into his eyes involuntarily.

Donna isn't here.

Donna wasn't here last night.

Harvey didn't take the first step and he didn't kiss her in his office. She didn't hungrily push back and kiss him like it was the most natural thing in the world, like she belonged there with him.

Harvey could remember Donna's last attempt to grasp onto sanity with, "we shouldn't," and his own whispered acknowledgement of, "I know," against her lips until they both chose to ignore it entirely and fucked on the couch in his dim lit-office with devastating clarity.

But it hadn't happened. Even though it feels real and tangible, they didn't do any of that.

Instead, Donna had slipped her hand into his larger one and they'd stood at the window staring at the New York skyline for what felt like hours. Then, they had said their good nights and parted ways.

Harvey had gone home alone and woken up alone.

As reality settles in, the memories that aren't memories but the last remnants of his dream start to fade away.

The vivid images of her red hair all over his white sheets as he took her again and the way he kissed the freckles all over Donna's chest last night dissolve like an effervescent tablet in water.

Donna didn't bring him coffee wearing only his white dress shirt, either. She didn't sit down on the edge of his bed teasing him and letting him kiss her, savouring the feeling of his lips against hers. She didn't smile at him after he had kissed her softly and she didn't tell him that she wasn't his secretary anymore.

But Donna is still his secretary. She isn't leaving him. Jessica decided to step down as managing partner, and this is a whole other reality.

It takes Harvey a while to sort through his thoughts and get last night out of his mind. He tries to assure himself with the fact that he didn't ruin anything and that Donna will be sitting in her cubicle typing away when he arrives at the office later. She will hand him his vanilla coffee and they will deal with the hole that Jessica had left behind together.

But he can't lie – at least not to himself – that there is a part of him that does wonder about the what ifs, his dream being proof of that. Maybe they're not right for each other. At the end of the day, maybe, just maybe, they're not right for each other, —

It scares him. The possibility of getting it all wrong.

— maybe they are?

.

.

.

**Author's Note:**

> All of my work can also be found on fanfiction dot net under the username raffertysdonna. Comments and criticism are always greatly appreciated. xx


End file.
